Getting a Wesley in Edgewise

What will my son look like?

2012-02-28T23:28:00.000-08:00

I share the above picture with a bit of trepidation. I took that picture from a photolisting in my son's birth country. I can't link to it for obvious reasons, but if it's on the Internet then it's free game I think. Zoink! :)

He's in a pink blanket. It's blurry. It's outdated. And it's priceless.

I've been wondering what my son looks like. I only have the two pictures of him--the one at the top of the blog is the only other one I have! Both were taken when he was only a few weeks old. I wonder if the stork bite across his face has already faded like it did with my daughter. I wonder if his little strawberry kiss (the hemangioma) on his cheek has faded. He apparently has them on his back too. Maybe his backside? (Hi Roland's future girlfriends!) :)

I wonder what color his eyes are. Right now they're baby grey, but did they turn blue like mine or brown like the rest of my family? Or a color in between?

I wonder what orphanage life has done to him. I wonder what not having a mommy has done to him. I'm friends with a mom who just brought her son home from the same country. Her son also has arthrogryposis. Let's just say he's experiencing things my daughter never has, but my son will. There's a difference between having arthrogryposis and having arthrogryposis while an orphan without daily medical attention.

So my mind runs to happy places and then dark places and then back again.

I've never seen you smile. Sometimes AMC affects the jaw. Does it with you?

What do you look like, little guy? Part of me tries to imagine you just so I'm not surprised when I meet the two year old and have only know the baby. I just wish I had more pictures.

And Lord help you when you get home as you'll be blinded by all the flashes. Knowing me I will make up this picture deficit!

Already in a family!

2012-02-22T09:43:00.000-08:00

There are kids everywhere who wait for families. Then there are those lucky enough to be adopted into loving ones.

Meet Landri

Little Landri is already part of a family. She has arthrogryposis like my son.

She is home. She is loved. The end.

Only not the end. Because domestic adoption is expensive. Ridiculously expensive.

Lawyers and the adoption agency are expecting another $4,000 in facilitation fees and they're expecting it NOW.

Landri's parents are desperately trying to raise it for them.

Life with an AMC'er in the early years is already a bit stressful. This should NOT be how it's stressful

A little fund has been set up. Nothing fancy. Just trying to raise the money.

I was thinking... let's help them! Why not! We could raise that!

Even if all my AMC friends and family gave $5, we could shower this family (one of our own) in that small bit of encouragement.

Whadda you say?

Waiting sucks

2012-02-20T19:16:00.000-08:00

People have been asking for updates, but the problem is that this process is really slow. It's all paperwork and waiting. Boooooooooooooooooooooooring.

One of my friends called this stage "paper pregnancy." It seems fitting. (I hated waiting during my pregnancy pregnancy too.)

Lately all we've been doing is paperwork. Now don't read "doing paperwork," and get visions of me actually writing stuff on paper. It's more like chasing down government employees and making them perform miraculous changes to documents they haven't changed in 50 years. Then wanting them to notarize them in house and getting laughed at. Then requesting more documents from several places. (There are more phone calls and waiting in lines than actual paper.) Then once we know all our toy soldiers are heading towards their final destinations, we wait. And wait. And wait. And pull out our hair. And call for updates. And wait. That kind of paperwork. When I thought about doing paperwork when we started this process I saw myself being the go-getter who got it all done super fast. That's when I was under the mistaken impression that any of this waits on me. It ALL waits on other people.

Our home study needed changes so that's one more wait in the grand scheme of waiting. It just happens to be what we're waiting on right now. We didn't realize it would cost us more time and money to have those changes made, none of which we planned for. But I should get the updated, notarized home study in my hot little hand by Thursday. The only other document I need is from our doctor. Hopefully it will be done by Thursday as well. Then we can submit our United States Citizenship And Immigration Services application before the end of this week! Woohoo!

If you want to hurt your brain you can click on this link to see the whole process. After we mail out the USCIS application we'll be on step 12. And if you think we've all about waited long enough for this adoption, we've only begun to wait! Note that step 12 requires waiting two to three weeks before they allow you to do it. Then step 13 says, "After what seems like forever...," step 14 is "really quite ridiculous," step 15 is just mailing it all off and waiting for it to be translated and step 16 is just simply, "Wait." Step 16 can take months. It better not.

Step 17 is traveling. When our wait is over we'll receive word from Roland's birth country that we are welcome to travel. We'll be in our son's birth country for several weeks, maybe a month, just waiting and visiting him when allowed. We will meet before a judge (with an interpreter) and plead our case. Then, pass court or not, we have to go home WITHOUT our son. There's a mandatory wait period (I know! More waiting! Our favorite! *sarcasm*) before one of us boards another plane to go back and get him. Right now the plan is for me (Mommy) to do that second trip alone. *gulp* If all goes well he will come home this summer.

So there you have it. Lots of waiting. But seeing our way through each adoption hurdle is also rewarding--like when I get a document in my hand that's been through two revisions and is finally done and notarized. Ahhh. Nothing quite like it. It makes me want to blast the Rocky theme while running up a mountain while holding that document over my head while screaming in triumph while on fire.

Now you'll probably get the artwork above. :)

What if I told you that we were going to save 12 orphans together? Would you help me?

2012-02-13T12:31:00.000-08:00

Laurel

For the last couple of months a few friends and I have been brainstorming how to help orphans facing terrible situations. Today I am thrilled to announce that we are launching a new project: Bring Hope to 12 in 2012!

Check out our website here. Or Google "arthrogryposis adoption" and you'll find us easily.

Each month we feature one orphan with arthrogryposis who is in need of a family, or who has a family newly committed to them and are in need of funds. January was Roland's (Joel's) month. Done and done. February is Laurel's month. She has yet to find a family and her situation is dire. I've written about her here.

Here's where you come in. Please consider a $12 donation to Laurel. Click here to donate. (All donations are tax deductible.)

Then please share this link (http://arthrogryposisadoption.blogspot.com/) on Facebook or Twitter or as a cause on Pinterest or on your blog (anywhere, everywhere!) to raise awareness for our grassroots effort!

If everyone shared then maybe we could find Laurel the rescue she needs immediately. And if all our friends and family gave just $12 to Laurel for the two weeks remaining in this month, she'd have enough for rescue!

And that's it! Fast and easy. If you cannot afford $12 but want to help, I can get you in touch with someone else willing to donate $6. Together you can make $12. I know finances are tight right now, and unfortunately it takes more money than love to make these rescues possible. But even a small amount will help. Even two mites make a world of difference!

Please consider joining us!

The story of how we decided we were adopting. (Kinda.)

2012-02-12T00:46:00.000-08:00

People have asked us how we knew that Roland was "the one." How we knew he was our son and we were his parents. How we finally decided to adopt him out of a sea of orphans. Well, now our secret is revealed! (Oh but don't go here, that story is boring.)

We went to the store and got an adoption test. It's near the pregnancy tests, but one aisle over next to the books on becoming Mother Teresa Duggar. Since it's true that biological kids come from your plumbing (ewww), but adopted ones come from your heart (awww), you just simply place the test over your heart and wait two minutes.

It's really simple. Two triple vertical lines mean you're thinking about adoption, but other people don't think you should. Six backwards upside-down lines mean you're adopting internationally because American children are not good enough for you. Ten loopty-loops mean you'll adopt twenty kids... and forty cats. The test itself turns pink or blue (or green?) depending on gender. It's very nice to finally know this stuff, but it still wasn't good enough. I had to know more. Then my friend recommended the ClearResponseEasyAdoption test for the best results.

So there you have it. Mystery solved! But we still weren't sure about this. We wanted to make sure this was part of God's master calling. We don't as much douse a fire or pay our taxes unless it's over obvious it's part of God's unique and perfectly clear future plan for our eternal souls. So we asked God for a sign. Something simple yet solid. And woke up with this on our doorstep.

It just seemed too simple. "God, don't you have something better? Maybe a tad Old Testament with a side of awesome?"

Perfect.

Roland's sister

2012-02-12T00:12:00.000-08:00

The last thirteen days have been rough. My daughter got sick before flying to Philadelphia for her knee surgery. Each day we expected to fly the 3,000 miles back home. But against the odds her stubborn cough cleared just enough (after four solid days of stressing over it) to be eligable for surgery. We went through a week of hard recovery after that. Now we're finally back to a good sleeping/eating/physical therapy pattern. Exhausting.

Now I'm stressing over the thirteen days we lost. I knew surgery and recovery would be hard and long, and I thought I'd given myself permission not to stress over adoption paperwork after it was over. But I'm just looking at everything that needs done and stressing away.

When Laelia woke up from surgery one of the first things she said was, "When my baby brother has surgery, I'm going to hold his hand." As the nurse came in with yucky medicine Laelia then said, "And I'm gonna give Roland lots of medicine!" Since her tone went gleeful at that thought I shot her a look. She quickly added, "Because I love him." :)

We have now seen the movie Tangled almost forty times in the last two weeks. It was set on replay throughout the nights and days of Laelia's hospital stay. She can now quote most of the movie and her favorite character is Mother Gothel. She loves to sing the Mother Knows Best song too. It's pretty hilarious. But it wasn't until one late night conversation that I realized this movie is really terrible when teaching your kid about adoption! Haha! The conversation we had was full of pitfalls.

Laelia: "Why was Rapunzel sad when the bad lady died?"
Me: "Because it was her mother."
Laelia: "No it wasn't her real mother!"

Okay, one of the first pitfalls people fall into when talking about adoption is asking, "But who's your real mom?" You never say "real mom" when referring to someone's biological mom. Your adoptive mom AND your biological mom are BOTH your real mom! In some cases the biological mom would not be referred to as the "real" mom at all. In our case I have to believe Roland's birth mom is a lovely woman giving us (and her son) an opportunity to be a beautiful family. I have to believe that because otherwise it makes no sense to me. She's his real mom. I'm his real mom. Clear as mud? Anyway...

But with Mother Gothel... well okay Laelia has me there. Mother Gothel is not Rapunzel's real mom--not biologically and not legally and not honestly. But she loved her like a mom. Now Roland will be our son legally and honestly. The difference is that he needs a family and we get the privilege of following all of the $#*&$% rules to get him. Mother Gothel just stole her baby. That was wrong.

I think Laelia understood that. It's hard with four year olds. Sometimes I think she understands something and I'm mistaken. For instance, tonight Laelia and I were praying for the orphans in Roland's part of the world who have arthrogryposis like he does. We were especially praying for Laurel who you can see at the side of this blog. She will age out soon and needs a family quickly and desperately. (I have written about her on Laelia's blog.) Then Laelia started praying with the same urgency for Joel. "Please God help his family find him. Please God let him be 'dopted. God, he needs a mommy and daddy! Please hurry!"

Me (interrupting prayer time): "Honey, Joel has a family. We're his family."
Laelia: "I get TWO brothers?!"
Me: "No, Joel is a pretend name so we can call him something. His real name is secret. When we adopt him then his new name will be Roland."

Poor little thing thought Joel was without hope because she didn't quite get that Joel and Roland were the same person. I know I've explained that to her before, but it's been quite some time. She probably forgot. Or she was confused and I only thought she understood.

She's now so bubbly and talking about how Joel gets a family! "Joel's getting 'dopted!" Poor thing was truly worried about him!

Well I'm thirteen days behind on adoption paperwork. It's midnight right now, but I'm rolling up my sleeves and diving back in. Let's get that kid 'dopted!

I'm eating for two.

2012-01-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

I don't get away with anything. I mean, I'm technically expecting a baby! But no eating for two. No buying maternity clothes. No strangers trying to invade my bubble. Nothing.

Just once I'd love some huge hormonal fit, complete with balling and throwing things! And in a public place! While demanding ice cream! I'd put a beach ball under my shirt so everyone would know where it was coming from.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I made my husband do midnight chimichanga runs as I laid on the couch weighing over two thousand pounds. And as he was running out the door I'd ask him if I looked fat and if he found me pretty. (I may have had puke in my hair.) Then he'd come home with the chimichanga and it would smell terrible because the window of opportunity to feed me in between bouts of harsh nausea had come and gone. I would get upset with him that he wasn't faster and ask him why in the world he would bring a chimichanga into my house when I'm this miserable?!!! Then he would have to walk down the road to the dumpster to throw it away because the smell was making me hurl. About ten minutes after I hurled all I wanted in the world was a chimichanga. Not having one in my hand that instance was also, I'm pretty sure, my husband's fault.

Heh. Good times.

<<<UPDATE>>> My husband says it was a chalupa. I blamed not remembering on my pregnancy hormones. Yep still using that one. :)

<<<ANOTHER UPDATE>>> My husband then said, "You said you were over two thousand pounds, you meant to write two hundred. You were over two hundred pounds if I remember right."
...
I let him live.

What kind of adoptive family we are.

2012-01-25T01:29:00.000-08:00

Can you seriously believe Roland has his ransom?!! Our wonderful friends are still doing a couple of fundraisers to cover initial medical costs until our tax credit comes in, but we have the ransom!!! I'm just amazed! I thought this would be a huge financial burden. Really this doesn't look like it will cost us a single extra penny! Adoption made easy! Brought to us by hundreds of people! Overwhelming!!!

Thank you! From the bottom of our hearts! Thank you.

Now what was I saying before that quick "brb" to raise a trillion dollars? Oh yeah, talking about my son and adoption. :)

So I wanted to share my view on our situation and our adoption. I read a great quote today (trying to track down the source) that went something like, "There are as many ways to be a mother as there are mothers." I like that. And motherhood has this initial phase (usually the pregnancy) that everyone seems to have opinions on, but no two pregnancies are alike. And just like every pregnancy is handled differently, so is every adoption. And different does not mean wrong.

But I'm going to focus on two views of adoption from two groups of adoptive parents: the emotional adopters and the calculated adopters. Emotional is good. Calculating is smart. But both camps don't really understand the other, so here's my attempt at explaining them both.

An emotional adopter sees a child's picture on a website, commits to him with lots of paperwork and then, as if they birthed him themselves, he is their son. No unknown condition he has present at "birth" (aka when they see him for the first time) matters. If they show up and he's missing four limbs, half his face and is a different color--he's their son. They take him home and deal with it.

This is our adoption. We would not call him our son if these were not our feelings. That would be wrong.

A calculating adopter is a good person who wants to do good in the world. They see pictures of children and see what the best fit is for their family. If they travel and this child requires more than they can handle, they move on and try to help someone else or re-evaluate their situation. My husband is a calculating adopter, but has run our adoption as an emotional adopter; often times against his better judgement. :)

An emotional adopter can have traits of a calculating adopter and vise verse. And I think social workers tend to try to encourage families to become the best of both. With little success I imagine.

A calculating adopter raises funds towards "their adoption," and the emotional adopter raises funds towards "their son." A calculating adopter gets in trouble if they use the phrase, "God led us to this child," because they don't mean that the same way an emotional adopter does. An emotional adopter gets in trouble if they... get emotional. Let's face it, you look crazy when you cry over some picture of a child you've never met whose plight you've never experienced.

What I can't stand are people in one group judging or harassing the other. For those who say to the calculating adoptive family, "How could you not choose that child! You left him there!" Hey, they did not leave him there. Not them. A system left them there. A birth parent left him there. Not them. Are you going to adopt him? Is he your son? Are you in their shoes? They were out there. Doing something. Doing more for that child than anyone else, and families like that usually become that child's biggest advocate afterwards!

How they run their adoption is between them and their supporters.

And to those who say to the emotional adoptive family, "How stupid to fall in love with a picture! That's not your real child." Hey, how a mother is motivated to adopt and bond with this unknown child is important and vital. He is as much their child as your son is yours. You not understanding is inconsequential.

The adoption community can really be an anchor for moms who often feel like the "odd ball out" in mommy circles. My hope is that this community can continue to be supportive, or at least basically kind, when we see those who do it differently. There needs to be understanding. For me it started with gaining a lot of respect for the people who can go out and do good without that super emotional kick-in-the-pants so needed for my own adoption. For my husband it was understanding (and then falling prey to) how knowledge about someone's needs can lead to emotional bonding, even when it's one-sided.

Some of you know the catalyst for this blog. Some of you after experiencing a different kind of adoption than you thought best were still kind and supportive, even when you felt hurt and didn't understand. You are my heros.

And this is so important because there's an orphan crisis. A real crisis. And we need all kinds of adopters. I'm serious. We need to be better to them.

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE FULLY FUNDED!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

Fundraising was from 12/21/11-1/21/12 (one month).

The only thing standing between us and getting our son home now is paperwork. I just closed the ChipIn since we reached our goal!!!!

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE FULLY FUNDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE RAISED HIS ENTIRE RANSOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*collapses*

Final Countdown! $1,000 left to go! Whoa, people!

2012-01-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

Haha, those financial barriers were starting to get sneaky. But we beat 'em! Whoa! We're almost done with this thing! We only have one pesky financial barrier left to go!!!

This is amazing! I can't keep up!!!! We're almost fully funded! And donations are getting doubled like mad! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only 1 left to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Countdown! Only $2,000 left to go!!!

2012-01-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

We sucked up another financial barrier!!! Oh my goodness! Only 2 left to go!!!

If you're thinking, "Well, gee, it doesn't look like we've raised enough money to destroy another financial barrier yet." Just remember we have matching donations that get counted too!

We're so close to being DONE with fundraising!!! Can we do it tonight?!!!

Matching Grant!!! All donations doubled!!!!!!!

2012-01-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

Remember when I said that it hasn't yet been a month of fundraising? Remember that I joked it would be cool if we could pull this off in one month?! Well guess what! The end of today marks one full month of fundraising! And...

Two anonymous donors (who have never met each other) have offered us a matching grant!!! But it's only good TODAY (January 21st) until midnight (PST)!!!

Every $1 you give to our ChipIn becomes $2!

$5 becomes $10!

$100 becomes $200!

And every donation is doubled from now until midnight or until we reach our goal! At the end of the day we total up what was given and double it until we reach our goal!

If you were waiting to give until we were at the end, this is it! And your gift will be doubled! Please share this with your friends and let's finish this thing!

Go to the link on the right or click here to donate!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Countdown: $3,000 left to go!!!

2012-01-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

We jumped one of the last hurdles!!!!! Only $3,000 left to go!!! And it looks like some anonymous donors like that we're so close and have offered to help us pull this off! Stay tuned!!

Final Countdown! $4,000 left to go!!!

2012-01-17T20:00:00.000-08:00

Dun na.

Dun na.

Dunna dunna.

Dunna dunna dunna dunna DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA!!!

*bite-y bite bite bite*

*urp*

Only $4,000 left! Only 4 more pesky financial barriers to go!!! Do you remember a time when we had 21 financial barriers? It may be hard to remember aaaaaaaaaall the way back to December 21st. Hehe. :) We've raised more than I make in a year in less than a month! Whoa!

In four days it will have been a full month since we started fundraising. You think we can do it in four days? Would it be breaking some kind of record? Are the guinness book people around?

I mean my dad offered to sell his car. We planned on getting a big loan. We planned for a lot of crazy contingencies. I really thought I'd be worrying about finances during my daughter's surgery that's in less than two weeks. What a glorious relief that we're free to just focus on her!

(And free to focus on all the paperwork. Paperwork is hard. Boohoo.) :)

You people are amazing! I'm overwhelmed!

THANK YOU!!!

Taquitos for a Cause!

2012-01-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

Taquitos for a Cause was a HUGE success!

We didn't do a single thing for this fundraiser. We simply drove up to L.A. and ate their food. :)

We had a great time with great people and great food!

Then before we left we opened the box that had been discretely sitting in the corner all afternoon.

It was FULL.

How full?

$871.00 full!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have now shortened the total amount on our ChipIn based on this gift! (I also figured in PayPal fees I hadn't calculated before.) We're now only $4,271 away from being done with fundraising! That's 4/5th of the way done!!!

And we're only $271 away from destroying another financial barrier!

And our tummies are full! :)

Thanks so much to everyone who came by to eat wonderful food! And thanks especially to Carmen Rivera for hosting, buying all the food and making all the food! And Amelia Infante for making the rice! And for Ileana who brought us all together!

And thanks to everyone who put up with our "Dora Spanish." ;)

The food (we had seconds).

They made over two hundred taquitos!

And a whole box of conchas!!!

The very fancy donation box!

Doing all the hard work!

Check out my husband getting some baby time. :)

Our daughter thought Ileana's dad was the best. :)

One configuration around the table. More people would come by and we'd switch around!

Laelia's friend, Elliot, and her Mama, Angie!

Such a happy girl! (3 months older than Roland!)

Ileana caught us playing with the box of kid toys. :)

We hadn't opened the box yet. We didn't know what to expect.

I need a little teller's visor or something.

WHOA!!! $871!!!

That was a ton of fun!

Final Countdown! Only $5,000 left to go!!!

2012-01-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry financial barrier, you're going DOWN! We crushed it! We got out our pebble spray. Sorry to be stone cold about this. Don't mean to rock your world. Graveling won't help. I have concrete evidence that we reached our financial goal. (I crag myself up.) We only have FIVE financial barriers left to go!!!

(My husband asked, "Why are they playing poker?" POKER! Obviously he doesn't have my religious background and has never seeing a stoning before. ;))

Only $5,000 left to go in our ChipIn! Right after writing a blog post about my frustrations then we get this huge encouragement! I think you all are making this "hard" fundraising process one of the easiest in the history of ever. Not gonna let us whine for long before shoveling out the blessings, eh? I see how it is. :)

Tomorrow we're driving up to L.A. where our friends are doing a taquito night for Roland! I love my AMC family and can't wait to see them!

And now I'm going to bed, happy with another destroyed financial barrier. The last five really don't stand a chance. ;)

Welcome to the Paperwork Jungle--We Don't Got Fun and Games

2012-01-14T23:00:00.000-08:00

There is absolutely nothing glamorous about doing adoption paperwork. Of the four important notarized documents we had to get last week, four had something wrong with them. We are in the process of redoing two of them (including notarizing them AGAIN) and we'll see about the other two.

That's two weeks lost in the paperwork jungle. In this game of hurry up and wait, I don't feel like I have two weeks!

We've already been in a tiff with San Diego county. To nearly quote them, "We've been doing the paperwork this way for years and people seem to be able to adopt their kids just fine so we don't see what the problem is." Neither do we. For whatever reason our son's birth country is picky. Now please redo it all. Please and thank you and please.

On the bright side, we finally have all the certified copies we'll need of both our birth certificates and marriage license. We have passports. We are 2/3rds fully funded. So okay, not too shabby. ;)

But on the paperwork side of things it's been a frustrating time. And we're only halfway through!

And it only gets more frustrating when I look at my son's picture and he's just lying there with his little "Hug me?" arms. Waiting. Over what seems to me like stupid things.

JUST HAND HIM OVER ALREADY!!!

Confession time: I have not been visiting the adoption support group forum as much because all of the things I'm frustrated about are all the same things all of those adoptive parents are frustrated about. Plus some of them are farther along in the process and, spoiler alert, it's still frustrating. For the first time in my life I'm worried that my entire dossier will be rejected. Or catch on fire. Or be carried off in a tornado. Or eaten by zombies.

But is it worth it? Look at his little face! Am I going to remember any of this darn paperwork drama when I'm looking into his little eyes? No.

This is doable. Many others in much worse situations have hacked their way through this jungle and come out the other side with a new family member. We can too. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Speaking of other families, the big news today is that the little girl we had considered adopting before deciding on "Joel" got a family! That's right! Anastasia moved to the My Family Found Me page on Reece's Rainbow! It's been so exciting! My daughter and I have prayed for her to find a family every single night. Tonight we got to say, "Thank you!"

We pray every night for a handful of orphans. We started doing this last year sometime. Obviously "Joel" got a family, and now Anastasia. We also watched Sandra and Patrick get families too! Then there are these two little guys below who have been in our prayers continuously but are still waiting.

This little guy needs a mommy so badly. My daughter doesn't understand what an institution is, but she knows it's a bad place. So she asks God to get this boy out of his "big time out." Let's not leave him to waste away in time out! (The link says his hands don't look affected. Well this AMC mommy's eyes see dimples on his wrists that indicate contractures. He probably has the same type of AMC that my daughter and son have. I'm officially offering my support in every way to whoever steps forward to claim him.)

And this kiddo is my daughter's age and is a total doll. The picture isn't that good and I doubt we'll get a better one. Still, look how straight he is! Both my kiddos have their knees all bent up and will require all this therapy and surgery. How great to have a little guy who starts off a little straighter!

So even though paperwork is yucky, I would do anything to get my son home. And I can't wait for two families who feel the same way to step forward and get those two little boys.

What's new, Cowboy?

2012-01-12T17:36:00.000-08:00

We have $11,000 left to raise, but oh wait! What's that I hear? It's the Wesley Savings Account Cowboy! Hehe. After we throw our saved money into the pot, we only have 6 bad little financial barriers left to go!!! ($5,714 to be exact.)

WOOHOO!!!

Okay I really never in my wildest dreams imagined we would raise $10,000 in three weeks. I mean, holy frijole! So sorry if the rest of this post feels out of left field. You see, after speaking to some adoption professionals and a CPA we're switching up our fundraising.

Part of the reason we called our giveaway winners a bit early is because after hitting our $10,000 goal on our Reece's Rainbow donation page, we switched to a ChipIn account that is not tax deductible. So to be fair to those giveaway participants who were offered tax deductions we decided to end it early.

The other reason we called it early is because our daughter's upcoming surgery preparations are pretty distracting. Please pray for us here. Pray for sleep and good pain management for her. This will be a hard surgery for her. But on to happier things...

See the pretty ChipIn button to the right? Pretty.

So why a ChipIn account? It's because we cannot access our adoption grant money raised so far through Reece's Rainbow until *after* our dossier has been finished and approved AND our son's birth country gives us official travel dates. (That's to make sure the donated funds go to his adoption and not some tropical vacation or something. :)) But there are some expenses we need to pay for now while compiling our dossier. Thus the ChipIn.

Also none of our RR fund is counted toward our tax credit. So in order to get that tax credit in 2013 we want to be paying things out of pocket from here on out. Switching to a ChipIn account accomplishes that and allows us to pay for these things out of pocket.

100% of the ChipIn account will be used solely for adoption expenses. Our ChipIn is a direct line to Roland's ransom. When we raise the entire amount, we'll have met his ransom.

But ChipIn is straight funds. No tax deductions.

If we somehow go over our ChipIn total, those funds will go directly towards our son for things like medical care or food for the weeks we're in his birth country. And while that would be wonderful, I want to be totally clear that we only need the $5,714 to be good to go get this boy!

Thank you all so much for giving from your hearts. We will be good stewards of your gifts and good parents. We're not perfect, in fact this process makes us painfully aware of everywhere we are deficient, but you have been our backbone. And I am forever thankful.

PS: If any of this doesn't make sense please email me at rolandquest@gmail.com. That's the email address I set up just for this blog to answer questions about Roland and his rescue. I'll answer your questions as best I can or forward them to someone smarter than me.

PPS: If you wanted to give a donation, but you were counting on the tax deduction (especially if you were donating through a business), you can still give to Reece's Rainbow. They are a wonderful organization helping children in need. There's one other little guy who is near and dear to my heart. Click here to go to his page. He doesn't yet have a family and he's living in an institution. Any funds his way would be 100% tax deductible and greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

WINNING!

2012-01-12T12:03:00.000-08:00

First of all thank you so much for participating in our giveaway! We had 378 entries!!! Plus we reached our $10,000 goal! And all that money was raised IN THREE WEEKS!!! (13 days before the original end of the contest even!) I'm blown away!

Now without making you wait through all my exclamation points and sentences in all caps and crazy excitement, I'll get to the reason we're all here: the winners! Okay I put 378 entries into random.org and I'm picking the first winner now...

And the winner of our first prize is... (#115) Jennifer Schonher!

Jennifer, you have won a $50 gift card! Please email me at rolandquest@gmail.com and let me know your mailing address and which gift card you want!

You can choose Starbucks, Benihana's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, P.F. Changs, 24 Hour Fitness, Michael's, Target or Amazon.

Our second winner according to random.org is... (#319) Linda Record!

So fun! Linda, you've just won a 16GB iPod Nano!!!! Congrats!!! I will send you an email shortly on how to collect it!

And our grand prize goes to... (#203) Zippy!

(Looking up real name.... sorry... wait for it... Jen Epp!) Congratulations! You've just won our grand prize! There will be an email waiting for you in a bit with instructions on how to get in touch with Lauren Burke! Start thinking now if you want the custom blog banner.

Example used with permission.

Or the Family Caricature Portrait!

Example used with permission. Available on iStock.

rules:

-maximum of 5 family members together in banner (photos are necessary for reference).
-The caricatures are designed to be together in one image (characters are not designed to be separated).
-from waist up
-maximum of 2 small revisions after the final design
-must take advantage of the giveaway prize within two weeks of winning.
-simple background elements (solid colors, simple flowers, polkadots, etc)
-simple text

Winner will receive a high-resolution file for printing OR a web-resolution file for their blog banner.

(Standard/common blog banner sizes OR 8x10 family portrait size file for portrait in standard-sized frame.)

Congratulations to all our winners! Thank you for helping

us reach our $10,000 goal!

$10,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

That was it! We hit $10,000!!!!!!!!!!!! Another financial barrier eaten up! Hurray! And that was super fast! Oh my goodness!

And what a nice, pretty round number too! Can you believe we raised all that in less than a month? Seriously! Less than a month! We never would have done it without our family and friends and a huge thank you to the many members of our generous AMC family!

With the Joel fund added (raised last year), you've all given us HALF our adoption expenses! Whoa!!! You must want this little one home! Haha! Yay!

(I'll update sometime tomorrow with the remaining total we need after we dump our own savings account into the mix. Stay tuned for the final count! Exciting!!! We're getting close, people!)

Please please let me know how many entries you get by posting on this blog or emailing me at rolandquest@gmail.com TONIGHT. We will announce a winner tomorrow around noon! I don't have quick access to a list of donors so I don't know how generous you are yet! So please tell me! I want you to be able to win prizes!

The gift card, iPod and personal art design are all three unlocked and up for grabs! My husband is helping me put all your entries into a spreadsheet and assign them numbers. Then random.org will choose a number out of our total. The first number drawn will be for the gift card. The second will be for the iPod. The third will be for the grand prize--a personalized design by Lauren Burke! If someone wins two prizes then I'll contact them to choose one and draw a new winner for the one they don't want. That way three prizes go to three winners. Make sense? Okay we'll do this around noon (California time) tomorrow. Exciting!!!

Giveaway Update!

2012-01-11T16:22:00.000-08:00

Hello! We are $680 away from unlocking all prizes in our giveaway! How exciting!

With our daughter's upcoming surgery around the corner, we have decided that this fund raiser needs to end either January 25th or when we reach our $10,000 goal!

We're only $680 away from reaching that goal! So if you had planned on entering the contest, now is the time!

The day we reach our goal (whatever day that is) entries will still be accepted until midnight that night. Then the contest will end and winners will be announced the next day!

So the finish line is $10,000! And we're nearing it! Oh boy!

Thank you so much for giving and for helping this fundraiser be so successful! Thank you!!! It's an exciting time!

And stay tuned! Some changes will be happening in our fundraising after the giveaway. Details to follow!

$9,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-10T18:46:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness!!! Oh my goodness!!! Do you see that financial barrier up there? Do you see it being BLOWN AWAY!!!

We only have 12 more financial barriers left to go! ($12,000 is the estimate.) We have until April. We can do this!

And please please please let me know if you donated so I can add you into the drawing for these fabulous prizes! I know a lot of you don't do it to win anything (I'm not like that, I like to win), but just think of it this way: We want to give back! We have been taking and taking--gifts of all kinds: encouragement and prayers and finances! We WANT to give back. We WANT to bless someone else! It's a happy madness to receive so many blessings and not be able to repay all of you what you deserve! So enter to win by posting a comment on this blog (to encourage others) or email me privately at rolandquest@gmail.com. (And just so you know, I am hunting some of you down and entering you anyway!) Thank you!

~~~
Every $5 donation you make to Roland's ("Joel's") grant fund gets you one entry to win! All donations are tax deductible!

Also! If you share our story/fundraiser on Facebook you get another chance to win!

Also! If you have a blog post from your blog devoted to Roland's story you get two additional chances to win!

The winners will be chosen by random.com on January 25th, 2012 at 9:00 p.m. PST (that would be midnight for you East Coast people, aka "Eastcoastertionishciaingerestinashoodserdoodles").

You MUST comment on this blog OR shoot me an email at rolandquest@gmail.com and let me know how many entries you get! I don't want you to rely on me being observant and stuff. Just a quick, "Hey I gave $10 and shared on Facebook!" or "Hey, I put you on my awesome hardcore guinea pig racing blog!" would be perfect!

Our first prize is already unlocked!
Our second prize is now unlocked!
For our biggest prize to be unlocked we need $1,000 more generated from this giveaway!

Our first prize is a $50 gift card! The winner will choose one card from the following: Starbucks, Benihana's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, P.F. Changs, 24 Hour Fitness, Michael's, Target or Amazon.

(This prize is already unlocked and up for grabs!)

Our second prize is a 16GB iPod Nano Special Edition RED, product MC074LL/A. Worth about $330 on Amazon. This is a new, still-in-the-box product that sat on my donor's shelf unopened for over a year. Now it can be yours!

(This item is unlocked and up for grabs!)

The BIG prize is...

EITHER

A blog banner with custom characters for your personal or business blog by Lauren Burke of Burke Vector! (Yes THAT Lauren. She's pretty famous apparently! :))

Example blog banner used with permission.

($1,000 from being unlocked!)

OR you can choose:

A Family Caricature Portrait to hang in your home (or put on your blog or Facebook profile or whatnot) done by Lauren Burke of Burke Vector! See the one she made for us back in 2009 in our About page! Or check out the sample family below!

Example used with permission. Available on iStock.

($1,000 from being unlocked!)

A message from Lauren: "I am really looking forward to such a fun project for an exceptionally worthy cause! I can't wait to meet the winner and get started. Let's bring Joel (Roland) home!"

Click here for samples of Lauren's work.

rules:

Winner will receive a high-resolution file for printing OR a web-resolution file for their blog banner.
(Standard/common blog banner sizes OR 8x10 family portrait size file for portrait in standard-sized frame.)

Good luck!

$8,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-07T18:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry if I'm the queen of the exclamations lately, but we made it to $8,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We broke that financial barrier down!!!! BOOYAH!

But that's not all! We've raised enough to unlock the next prize in our giveaway! The iPod Nano is now in the running! So for all of you who have donated or shared on Facebook since this giveaway began (or within a few days in some cases) AND have told me about it in either a comment on this blog or emailed rolandquest@gmail.com (don't rely on my mommy brain, I beg you) then you are now in a drawing for not only the $50 gift card but also the iPod!!!

Every $5 donation you make to Roland's ("Joel's") grant fund gets you one entry to win! All donations are tax deductible!

Also! If you share our story/fundraiser on Facebook you get another chance to win!

Also! If you have a blog post from your blog devoted to Roland's story you get two additional chances to win!

The winners will be chosen by random.com on January 25th, 2012 at 9:00 p.m. PST (that would be midnight for you East Coast people, aka "Eastcoastingerestinashoods").

You MUST comment on this blog OR shoot me an email at rolandquest@gmail.com and let me know how many entries you get! I don't want you to rely on me being observant and stuff. Just a quick, "Hey I gave $10 and shared on Facebook!" or "Hey, I put you on my awesome hardcore guinea pig racing blog!" would be perfect!

Our first prize is already unlocked!
Our second prize is now unlocked!
For our biggest prize to be unlocked we need $2,000 more generated from this giveaway!

Our first prize is a $50 gift card! The winner will choose one card from the following: Starbucks, Benihana's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, P.F. Changs, 24 Hour Fitness, Michael's, Target or Amazon.

(This prize is already unlocked and up for grabs!)

(This item is unlocked and up for grabs!)

The BIG prize is...

EITHER

A blog banner with custom characters for your personal or business blog by Lauren Burke of Burke Vector! (Yes THAT Lauren. She's pretty famous apparently! :))

Example blog banner used with permission.

($2,000 from being unlocked!)

Example used with permission. Available on iStock.

($2,000 from being unlocked!)

A message from Lauren: "I am really looking forward to such a fun project for an exceptionally worthy cause! I can't wait to meet the winner and get started. Let's bring Joel (Roland) home!"

Click here for samples of Lauren's work.

rules:

Good luck!

Getting a prize in edgewise!

2012-01-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited about this giveaway! Really really really excited! Mostly because I want all the prizes! :) But I'll be happy to watch you all win them. :)

We're having a giveaway to raise money to cover expenses relating to adopting Roland (code name "Joel" on Reece's Rainbow). Remember all funds will go directly to placing this little boy into a family who will love him and get him the medical care he needs. And we only have until April to raise the oodles of money for his ransom!

Every $5 donation you make to Roland's ("Joel's") grant fund gets you one entry to win! All donations are tax deductible!

So $10 is two entries. $40 is 8 entries. $14,000 (which would cover the whole thing!) is 2800 entries! You know what, scratch that. You give me $14,000 and I'll give you all the prizes. And clean your house. And do your kids' homework.

Also! If you share our story/fundraiser on Facebook you get another chance to win!

Also! If you have a blog post from your blog devoted to Roland's story you get two additional chances to win!

The winners will be chosen by random.com on January 25th, 2012 at 9:00 p.m. PST (that would be midnight for you East Coast people, aka "Eastcoastaricans").

You MUST comment on this blog OR shoot me an email at rolandquest@gmail.com and let me know how many entries you get! I don't want you to rely on me being observant and stuff. Just a quick, "Hey I gave $10 and shared on Facebook!" would be perfect!

Our first prize is already unlocked!
Our second prize needs $400 to unlock!
For our grand prize to be unlocked (meaning part of the drawing on January 25th) we need $3,000 worth of donations generated from this giveaway! That's because our grand prize is worth around $1,000!

Our first prize is a $50 gift card! The winner will choose one card from the following: Starbucks, Benihana's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, P.F. Changs, 24 Hour Fitness, Michael's, Target or Amazon.

(This prize is already unlocked and up for grabs!)

(This item is $400 away from being unlocked.)

The GRAND prize is...

EITHER

A blog banner with custom characters for your personal or business blog by Lauren Burke of Burke Vector!

Example of blog banner used with permission.

($3,000 from being unlocked!)

OR!

A Family Caricature Portrait to hang in your home done by Lauren Burke of Burke Vector! See the one she made for us back in 2009 in our About page! Or check out the sample family below!

Example used with permission. Available on iStock.

($3,000 from being unlocked!)

A message from Lauren: "I am really looking forward to such a fun project for an exceptionally worthy cause! I can't wait to meet the winner and get started. Let's bring Joel (Roland) home!"

Click here for samples of Lauren's work.

rules:

Good luck!

Where'd all our time go?

2012-01-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

You remember that scene in Labyrinth where Jareth asks Sarah how she's enjoying the labyrinth and she says, "It's a piece of cake." So he punishes her by shortening the time she has left to save baby Toby? Yeah it's like that.

For those of you who have been asking when we'd go to U to see our son, and I just didn't know a timeline, well after a long-distance call to our wonderful Reece's Rainbow stateside helper (also, incredibly, an AMC mom!) we have a pretty good idea! We think we'll have everything submitted and Charles and I would be scheduling our first flights in late April! Nothing is guaranteed, but LATE APRIL! Holy cow! That means we could reasonably be bringing our son home early this summer!

Can you believe it?!!! There's a really good chance that my Mother's Day gift this year will be getting to see and hold my own son!!!

That's a lot sooner than we thought! We're super excited, but not in a throw-a-party way, but more like a whoa-you-just-kicked-our-ant-hive way! We were told by our home study people that this would take a year. In fact they recently changed the home study for us to say he can be three years old when we get him since the process takes so long. So we assumed it would take a year.

You see, in a lot of ways we're still really new and stupid at this. :)

So it's great, wonderful news! But now we're scrambling to get everything done. We have a major knee surgery for our daughter taking place 3,000 miles away and we leave on the 29th of this month for it! And our lives just become a mad house after that.

So we're kicking it into high gear! We now have a whole lot LESS time to raise a whole LOT of money!

So far we've been so incredibly blessed! It's amazing! We have less than $14,000 to go. If we can raise most of that we can probably get a loan for the rest. But a loan would be hard on us and we'd love to instead spend that on great medical care for our son. So we're really hoping we can do this crazy thing and raise all this money in just a few short months! I think we can do it!

The financial barriers say we can't though. They've been taunting us. :)

Stay tuned for our next fundraiser. It will start tomorrow if I can line everything up last minute.

And did I mention we could be flying to U in late spring?!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

$7,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-03T17:44:00.000-08:00

It has been one of the most exciting days of my life! First of all THANK YOU for donating towards Roland's adoption! We now have $7,000 in our grant fund!!! Another $1,000 financial barrier has been DESTROYED!!! That means we only have 14 more pesky financial barriers to go!! We are 1/3 of the way there!!! Can you believe it?!!!!!!

And today my daughter stood up for the first time in her life all by herself and I caught it on video.

This was the best day! Thanks so much! Now everyone dance around the room with me! Happiness!

Where'd all the hearts go?

2012-01-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

Thank you for making our name fundraiser a huge success! Meet our son, Roland! Charley likes Rollie (pronounced RAH-lie) for short. I may call him Roro or Rolo or Rollin'. Or Roly Poly Olly. Or Lando! See I get my Star Wars reference after all! :)

I'll see what nickname fits him best as I'm playing with his little fingers and toes. It's the scientific way to do things. :)

Thank you all!

To the moon! We hit $6,000!

2012-01-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

Okay I painfully drew a bunch of those little hearts on the blog banner only to have ten of them DECIMATED in about an hour. Wow! So exciting! And we're now at $6,000!!!!!!!!!!!!

That means another of our financial barriers is GONE! Thank you so much! So so so much!

Can't Buy Me Love Fundraiser!

2012-01-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

The Can't Buy Me Love fundraiser is officially a go!

I'm sure you've all noticed some colorful hearts on the little guy's picture this afternoon. (See blog banner above. Hit refresh if you don't see them.) That's not just for show. For every $100 we get in our grant fund I will be removing one of those little hearts off his picture. Beneath all those hearts is that little boy's real name--the one we're giving him after he's legally adopted! His Wesley name! So exciting!

There are 16 hearts up there. Enough to get us from $5,400 to $7,000. So if you're totally impatient like I am then just feel free to put $1,600 in the grant fund and the name will be revealed! (Plus it will destroy two more financial barriers!)

Now you all know that "Joel" is not this little boy's real name. It's an alias. We're doing this fundraiser a little early because we have been calling him our name at home and "Joel" on the blog and it's getting confusing.

So once those pesky hearts are gone then you'll all see the name we've been calling him!

Clue: The new name is not Luke. That's the name I wanted, but we agreed that Charles would be naming our son. A decision I did not regret until I realized I could not bully him into naming our son Luke. ;) :) :)

But I love the fact that my husband wanted to name his son. He really thought and thought about it and named him with care. He can tell you three ways the name he picked is awesome and meaningful, and listening to his excitement over it makes me smile. It's a name straight from a loving daddy to his boy. And that melts my heart!

So, yeah. FUNDRAISING! Start donating to watch the hearts disappear!

$5,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-01T14:23:00.000-08:00

Yes that's Super Sideburn Dude, and, yes, he is performing some sort of magical deconstruction on another of our pesky $1,000 financial barriers!

We now have $5,000 in our grant fund!!!!! That means we only have (count the remaining bills with me, 1... 2... 3...) 16 thousand dollars left to raise!

Holidays are the best! I love how people who are already super generous get to be their super generous selves during this time of year! We have had a great last week.

First we hung out with friends and "grandparents" (the kind of grandparents our daughter calls Grandma and Grandpa and Nana and Granddad, but who aren't actually related to us biologically) and had a great time! We walked away from that Christmas get-together holding a bunch of presents and $200 towards our adoption! I just love the feeling that our son is coming into this great circle of people who already love him!

Then I get a call from my cousin, Josh, who is a musician. He told us he would be donating $1 from every concert ticket sale towards our son's ransom! After his last show I saw $50 added to our son's account!

Then I got three Facebook emails from three people this week who I have not seen or spoken with in quite some time who all wanted to help bring our son home! I could not help but cry after each email.

Then we drove up to San Jose for New Years with my family. Every time someone congratulated us or got excited with us or asked questions about our son it just made this feel so real! Again, I just can't wait to bring our son into this family! We are surrounded by GOOD people. We had a great time! (Except for driving 16 hours in two days.)

My sister and her husband are even donating a gadget to a giveaway we're going to have! So exciting! And they gave my husband and I some baby boy cuddles with our new nephew to tide us over until we can bring our own much bigger baby boy home!

And this will blow you all away because of how great and unexpected it was. I got an email from a dear friend who has arthrogryposis like my son does. (She and her family are part of our AMC family, those affected by arthrogryposis.) She sent me a picture of a check on behalf of her parents and said, "Where do you want it?" It covered an entire financial barrier (see cartoon above) plus a little extra once her grandma chipped in! The crazy thing is that this family is the reason Laelia is going to the doctor in Philadelphia who got her walking! (After five other doctors gave up on her!) Just with that alone they have already given to our family more than they'll ever know! I could be their slave for a year and still not pay them back! So this was just beyond generous!

And another friend (also AMC family) and her mom (the taquitos queen) are doing a fundraiser for us in L.A. where they are selling the food we're all going to enjoy and giving the profits to our son's account!

So I'm just stunned as I sit here and consider the three groups surrounding our son with love before he even arrives: our wonderful friends in San Diego who have become family, our wonderful family, and our wonderful AMC family!

Then I consider all the people who don't know us (or hardly do!) and still want to see our son in the arms of his family. I never thought I'd be in a situation that breaks my heart as it warms my heart at the same time! It's just a ton of emotion.

Thank you! I know I'm not saying enough, or including enough wonderful stories and people--there's so much to say! But just thank you!

$4,000!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

This happened while I was driving to San Jose so I wasn't able to post a celebratory cartoon about the destruction of yet another financial barrier. But now that I'm at a computer... BLAMO! That's right! We have $4,000! Only $17,000 to go!

Laelia asked me why that sock had red and green holes in it. IT'S A MONSTER EATING A THOUSAND DOLLAR BILL! Duh. Apparently four year olds do not get my artistic vision.

Get that kid

2011-12-27T00:36:00.001-08:00

Charles here. I just want to say how excited we are to be bringing "Joel" home, and how humbled we are by everyone's support. Diane Sawyer did a piece on another family adopting through Reece's Rainbow last night, so while the traffic on RR has made Joel's donation total intermittently unavailable, it's exciting to see the organization getting so much attention.

The financial part of this process can get a little confusing for me, so I'll try to clarify the situation as best as I know how.

The estimated cost of performing an adoption from Joel's home country through Reece's Rainbow is $24,000. Joel had about $3,000 in his account at the time we claimed him on Reece's Rainbow, and at that time RR set us up with our own account to collect money for his adoption. That fund has $3,400 in it now. So we have a total of $6,400 raised, meaning it will cost another $17,600 to adopt him.

People have asked us if we're planning to put our own money toward the adoption, and it's a fair question. We put some money into Joel's fund before claiming him (i.e., some of Joel's $3,000 is ours), and we've been paying for adoption-related expenses so far, like the home study (part of the estimated $24,000). We're not allowed to donate anything to our own fund; it's being used to cover expenses we'd have to pay for anyway, so allowing us to donate would be like giving us a license to launder our money tax-free.

But we definitely have skin in this game, and we have every intention of covering the difference between the cost of the adoption and the amount we end up raising. The reason we're doing fundraising is that right now, $24,000 is beyond our means to cover. So is $17,600. We could wait until we save enough money to go get Joel, but the sooner he gets better medical care, the sooner he starts learning English, the sooner he gets a loving family, the better off he will be--physically, emotionally and spiritually. We're not asking you to pay for our whole adoption, but we are asking you to help us get within striking range of affording this. Just get us close enough, and we will go make this happen.

I'm sure we can raise the money. We have faith in God's provision, and we have faith in our family and friends: a crack team of compassionate and generous people. I want you to know that you don't have to donate, and we can still be the best of friends.

On the other hand, time is of the essence. And you know my wife is going to be putting Joel videos and posts online for the next 30 years. It will probably be nice to watch them and think to yourself, "I was on the team. I helped that family go get that kid."

Thank you to everyone who has donated so far. We don't even know who you all are yet, but your generosity is hugely appreciated. Let's go get that kid.

~~~

People have asked how to mail in checks in order to bypass the Paypal fees and the site being down.

Donations made by check can be made payable and mailed to:

Reece's Rainbow
PO Box 4024
Gaithersburg, MD 20885
Please clearly write that it's going to Joel for the Wesley Family!

My last Christmas without you little boy

2011-12-24T20:10:00.001-08:00

My dear son,

I love you. Some mommies love their children before they ever meet face to face, when they are still growing in the womb. I started loving you the same way--before we ever met face to face. Some mommies have ultrasound pictures that are black and white and blurry. I am luckiest of all because I get a full picture in color! Some mommies feel kicks and jabs from the inside as little hands and feet push around. I feel little kicks and jabs to my heart as I fill out months of paperwork and invite social workers into my private life. Still I love you. I love you like any mommy loves her son. And I love you more than every other mommy in the world could possibly love anyone. Just like every other mommy in the world tells their sons too.

I have learned this Christmas, this last Christmas without you hopefully, how little control I have in my life. I don't fear miscarriage since you're not in my tummy. I fear something worse. The unknown. The lack of control. Things that could happen. Things that have happened. And someday we'll talk about it. When you'll understand.

But I'm learning, my sweet little love, I'm learning to trust. Because God loves you. And he cares. And he allows. And he steps in. And he conquers in powerful displays. And he conquers behind the scenes. And he laughs. And he cries. And he knew all along.

That I'd be your mommy.

Even though anything can happen, I'll always be your mommy.

I promise to love you. Because you are a blessing. You are important. You are valuable. And I promise to tell you that. All the time.

Through bonding issues, through feeding issues, through potty issues, through body issues, through surgeries, through parasites, through dietary supplementation and growth issues, through stretches, through misbehavior not even you'll understand, through grief, through culture shock, through self soothing, through violence, through daily therapy, through counseling, through new smells, through sensory issues, through screaming fits, through sleeplessness, through pain, through stress and through possible things that happened to you in the womb... and once born, I promise to love you. I promise not to leave you. I promise to be your mommy.

Because you are loved. Because you are important. Because you are valuable.

Merry Christmas baby. You don't know it, but I'm coming.

Love,
Your Mommy

What just happened?!

2011-12-23T18:29:00.000-08:00

What just happened?! I was sitting here minding my own business when all of the sudden WHAMO! Down went another financial barrier! That's right! Someone just put $1,000 in our son's account!!!

!!!

I'm flabbergasted! That's amazing! I even refreshed the page a couple times just to be sure. Did that say a two or a three? A three! Seriously? Yes!!!

Merry Christmas! Only 18 more pesky bills to go! Let's destroy them!

PS: I've changed this blog around a bit and added a picture of the little boy we're all rooting for up top. Its giant size makes it a can-see-up-your-nose picture. But I liked how his little fingers are pointing at the posts below as if to say, "Read this yo!" :)

$2000!!!!

2011-12-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness!!! Another dollar barrier bites the dust!!! There are only 19 bills remaining! Each bill represents $1,000. When they're all gone my baby's ransom is covered!!!

Thank you so much for helping us! I did not expect such an out pour of love so quickly! We feel so touched by your generosity! So so touched!

Last night I dreamt about all the barriers standing in our way. (Which in dream land included not only money and waiting and paperwork, but also a giant rat maze/pin ball game.) It was so... much. And I woke up this morning just feeling a bit overwhelmed. But when I saw our grant page this morning... and saw it was at $2012... the date I hope to bring home our son... that reassurance that this next year of work will be rewarded with our child... it was like magic. All that pint up stress just melted. You guys really lift us up when we're weak! Thank you! Thank you! God bless you!

It's so easy to look at all those taunting dollar bills and worry about our son.

Let's torch those suckers! :)

Our first $1,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Wow! What a great start! We're really feeling the love! Our first $1,000 already! Wow.

So instead of doing real work I instead wrote out 21 little dollar bills which stand for the 21 thousand dollars we need to raise to bring Joel home. (I'm trying to make this huge amount seem smaller.) Every time we take one bill out by raising $1,000 I will draw another of these pesky $ disappearing (in this case EXPLODING!) off our list! And my art just gets better!

(PS: No it doesn't. Stay in school, kids.)

Now for the Q and A!

"You say you raised $1,000, but it only says $870 on the sidebar of your blog. What gives?"

Our sidebar dollar amount is updated every hour instead of automatically if I remember correctly. So it just lags behind a bit. (UPDATE: It lags behind a lot. It's been several hours. Maybe it updates twice a day?) (UPDATE AGAIN: Whoops, I forgot to hit the refresh button. There we go! False alarm, it works. Looks like it updates about once an hour.)

"Hey weren't you given the estimate of $24,000 for this adoption? Why are you only raising $21,000?"

Answer! It will cost us $24,000, BUT Joel already carries a $3,000 grant.

"How did he get $3,000? Voodoo?"

Actually we have been doing fundraisers for him for the last eight months. Remember the first one we did? We were so thrilled to raise $640! That seemed like such a huge amount! Then remember when a donor stepped up, contacted me and said, "We can do better!" And that donor matched donations up to $2,000 then gave a $500 bonus! And at the end of that blog post I wrote a letter to Joel's future mommy... which turned out six months later to be me. So... I'd read it to myself in front of a mirror but that might be awkward.

Yep awkward.

"Wait, you've been raising funds for your adoption all this time? How come I'm just finding out about this?!"

That's the zany part! We weren't planning on adopting him ourselves! We had lots of excuses for that! Please. Can you see me with two kids in wheelchairs running over my toes?! What about the medical expenses! Or the time it takes to do therapy everyday! We believed the lie. And I'm not saying everyone can and should adopt (and I will throw rocks at people who say that), but I'm saying we could and we closed ourselves to it. Until this little boy broke through that is.

"Why doesn't Joel's $3,000 get added to the Wesley grant?"

The $3,000 we raised before we committed to him stays in Joel's adoption account, and will never show up in our Wesley account. When we fly over and get our baby, then we'll get Joel's full grant. This protects Joel in case an adoptive family bails out for health, eligibility or other reasons.

So lastly, before I run off and do a happy dance, I just want to say a big thank you! We have gotten phone calls and emails and Facebook comments from our wonderful friends and family supporting us. And that's been backed up by donations in our account! Wow. I'm so full of love. This is the kind of humanity I want around my kids! Thank you so much.

Here's to you! And the first $1,000! And to the second!

This boy's ransom

2011-12-21T17:55:00.000-08:00

We are legit! We have officially moved to the Reece's Rainbow website! Check out our family's page here!

Notice I have added a donate button to this blog. That's because this boy's ransom is around $24,000. Yeah the first time I read that number out loud I laughed hysterically too. Go ahead, I'll wait.

...

Feel better? For as crazy as that number is, the reality of needing it is a weight on our hearts. Just keep in mind, right now we ARE this boy's parents. Not "want to be" or "hopefully" but ARE. In our hearts he is our son. And we are separated by stupid things like money and paperwork. We need help. We can't do it alone.

All donations are tax deductible IF you go through Reece's Rainbow by clicking the DONATE button in the upper right hand corner.

THANK YOU!

U and EE and birth country

2011-12-20T11:24:00.000-08:00

Eep! So I just found out some privacy rules. For the sake of our adoption I have removed any reference to my son's birth country. So I am using my super uncrackable secret code of "U" and "EE" and "birth country" instead. :)

For those of you who want to know which country/area I'm talking about, please leave a comment with your email and I will fill you in. For now my son's birth country cannot be public or "googlable" so as not to jeopardize the process.

Please keep this in mind when sharing our adoption news on public forums like Facebook or blogs!

Thanks so much!

The secret is out!

2011-12-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

My blog is going public today!

The big secret is out: We're adopting!!!

And that adorable newborn baby (who is now 14 months old) in the picture above is our new son!!!!!!!

Quick info: We are calling him by his alias "Joel" until his real name is revealed. He is in another country (U). He has no family and lives in a baby house, which is an institution setting. He faces an adult mental institution in a couple/few years. He is being rescued by us because he is our son and we love him. His ransom is high. :( He has arthrogryposis like our daughter. He is cute! WE ARE BEYOND EXCITED!!!

And for those of you who said I was his Mama. FINE YOU WERE RIGHT. <-- Now print that and frame it because I'll only say it once. ;)

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband's love

2011-12-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was doing dishes my husband walked up behind me, held me from behind, kissed me on the neck and whispered, "I love our kids," in my ear.

*melt*

What's in a name?

2011-12-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

My family asked me about this so I want to be clear and let everyone know: "Joel" is not my son's real name. My son has probably never heard the name Joel in his entire life. It's a code name given to him by Reece's Rainbow so that his identity is protected while he's shown to prospective parents. They could have called him "Number 613," but that would have made him a slab of meat. But out of respect Reece's Rainbow gave him a human name. We do refer to our son as Joel when talking about him, but when he comes home he'll have a different name.

Q: Does he have a name given to him by his birth country?

A: Yes. I'm sure it's beautiful!

Q: You don't know what it is?

A: Nope. I don't know that we'll even learn it before we make our first trip to U. (Two trips total.)

Q: Will you choose to keep his birth name?

A: We don't know. It depends on what it is and how it comes across in our culture. Some people choose to make their adopted child's birth name into their US middle name. But unless we change our minds (which we might), we're settling on whole new first and middle names. And of course he gets a whole new last name: ours! His cultural identity is important to us, but being a part of this family with our name is most important to us.

Q: What names are you leaning towards?

A: It changes depending on the day. We may keep it a secret and reveal it as part of a fundraiser. We have learned to stick to names that are easily pronounceable. (Sorry Laelia.) Let's just say for now all the names I come up with are awesome and all the names Charley comes up with are not as good as mine. ;)

And that's a problem because I promised my husband he could have the final say in his son's name. :)

***
UPDATE (12/19/11): Charles decided on his son's name. We will reveal his name in our first fundraiser for him that will happen after the holidays. Stay tuned! Exciting!

ANOTHER UPDATE: We just found out our son's birth name! We can't share it for privacy reasons, but it's cool to know! (We're still going with Charley's name.)

His little kiss

2011-12-18T14:27:00.000-08:00

My son's little red mark on his cheek is straight from God. He is sealed with a kiss. I first fell in love with hemangiomas after seeing a little guy named Easton who has one on his forehead. He's the cutest thing! Now I get my own little AMCer boy with a strawberry mark! I must have done something good in life to deserve this blessing! And my son has a stork bite across his face just like his big sister, my beautiful daughter. He's perfect. He's just perfectly and wonderful made. Every inch of him is beautiful. I love him.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139: 13-18

I'm Going To Be His Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

I get my baby!!!!!!!!!

Today "Joel" moved onto the My Family Found Me page on Reece's Rainbow. Today my little lost baby boy is claimed!

By ME!!!

Day before yesterday we were grieving we couldn't have him. Yesterday we got the green light. Today he moves onto the best page in the world! What a roller coaster ride!!!

If you don't get how big a MIRACLE this is then you don't know my story. I've wanted this guy for a year. A looooooooooong year. We just couldn't do it. One night I cried the whole night into my husband's chest. We spent weeks talking about Joel's future. But for many reasons we got a big loud and clear NO. And that night in August I wrote this blog post.

I told my husband it felt like I was giving my son up for adoption.

My family wisely told me to advocate for Joel, but to not drive my husband crazy about it.

Then we embarked on an adoption journey to save "someone like Joel." We prayerfully pursued a Home Study. What we didn't realize was that once you sign that application, the Home Study people start CALLING YOUR REFERENCES!!! Let's just say our references were surprised. :) Then they started calling me, "You're adopting?!! Congratulations!!" And we were all, "Um, we're seriously considering it." Oops. Well we started the Home Study in July and finished it in late October. We were in no hurry. I wanted to adopt Joel, and we had many many more discussions about him, but we still didn't think we could handle epilepsy. I mean they wouldn't write "convulsive disorder" on an orphan's rap sheet unless it was a big deal, right? Maybe it was code for grand mal seizures! Even just a little seizure every now and then would be hard. I was willing to take him anyway, but I couldn't do this alone. I prayed for God to take that one little condition off of Joel's description so I could have him. But it wasn't budging.

Then on December 14th, last Wednesday, I had no peace about anything. I sent yet another email to Andrea and called my husband at work in tears. "He's my son," I told my husband, "I'm so sorry I feel this way because I know he has a condition that we don't feel we can handle, but we're both willing to adopt and we both are willing to take on a child with arthrogryposis from an institution, how much harder can a little convulsive disorder be?!"

My husband promised to pray about it. Later that night we talked again. Charley threw around wild ideas about trying to get someone over in this boy's birth country to stop by the baby house and see how bad the seizures or brain damage was. We even asked Andrea if there was a chance that one of us could fly over and see him even though I have no idea where that money would have come from. These, my friends, are the signs of insanity. ;) We were just going nuts.

The same day (Wednesday) I wrote on Facebook, "ALL I want for Christmas is for this little boy's mom to call me and say, 'He's mine! I found him! Sorry it took so long. No need to have a heart attack worrying about him anymore. I got this one.' Is that too much to ask?"

I was heartbroken. My friends were NO HELP! (Hehe. :)) They were saying, "What if he's yours? What if you're meant to have him? Wouldn't he fit perfectly in your family?" I wanted to say, "I KNOW HE'S MINE AND YES HE WOULD FIT PERFECTLY IN MY FAMILY! BUT WE CAN'T!!!" (I'm laughing out loud as I write this. Laelia just asked me what was so funny. :))

Then THE VERY NEXT DAY we got the email from Andrea. (See previous blog post below.) No seizures. Green light. Go go go!

And then TODAY we went out and notarized and faxed Reece's Rainbow the paperwork they needed. I actually just walked in the door from doing that. I sat down at my computer to look at his picture when I realized Joel moved to the My Family Found Me page!!! (They don't waste time!)

Then I jumped on Facebook and saw my friend Julia had posted Joel's picture and said, "MY DAY HAS BEEN MADE!!! THANK YOU TO WHOMEVER HAS CHOSEN TO BRING THIS SWEET BABE HOME!! Alexis Wesley did you see this??????"

(No where does it mention who is adopting Joel.)

Tracey also celebrated and tagged me. She has been more convincing this year than she knows. There were a couple things she said to me at the AMC convention in Kansas City that have stuck with me all these months. I can't wait to tell her!

I can't wait to tell everyone!

We were going to wait to announce our adoption until after Christmas when we could tell our family in person, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out! I'm jumping up and down and my heart is exploding in my chest! I've waited a year to call that child mine!

MINE MINE MINE!!!

Joel is our son!

2011-12-14T20:48:00.001-08:00

Introducing my son!

I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done." ~Hudson Taylor

See that little boy up there? He's MINE!!!!! We're committing to him! I'm balling my eyes out! I keep telling his picture, "You're mine now kiddo!"

And it's weird as I look at his picture because I have ten kagillion pictures of my daughter, but only one of my son. (I love saying that... my SON!)

This is one of the greatest days of my life! I have to tell you all about it. The whole day was the BEST. DAY. EVER.

And I will tell you every detail because I want it saved in writing for all eternity!

I woke up early to put Laelia on the bus. I then put in a few hours of work. Then I got my company Christmas/Holiday present... an iPad!!! The iPad is going to be so I can face chat with my boss who is Deaf and uses American Sign Language (I can't call on the phone), but I can also use this with my daughter's occupational therapy! And the money we have been saving to buy one of these for Laelia can now cover our next medical trip to Philadelphia on January 29th! That money covers the rental car, food, gas and our part of the Ronald McDonald House bill! (Surgery itself is covered by Shriners.) WOW! What a blessing!

Then I went to Laelia's school. I brought her crutches with me and Laelia showed off walking without a gait trainer to her school friends for the first time! Laelia's teachers and aide were amazed and the crutches (aka walking sticks) are going to school with her from now on! That was a magical moment.

Then I took Laelia to the muscular dystrophy clinic (even though she doesn't have MD but she qualifies because of her myopathy) and she showed off her skills to her California doctor. He was super encouraging! He could not believe she's only been walking for two weeks! He gave us great ideas on her next wheelchair and shoes. They also gave her a bear and she named it after the doctor. Then my four year old tried to convince the doctor to let the bear take over his work and he should crawl in the bag and have Mommy carry him home with us. "No one will know because you have the same name." :) It was fun!

Then I went home to my husband because he got to work from home today! And I had his full attention since I was holding an iPad in my hands. :) His eyes were fixed to the shiny piece of technology as I rattled on about my school trip and clinic visit. He looked like a kid in a candy store! So much fun! I think that's the most attentive he's been in our whole marriage. Hehe. ;)

Then my husband ran off to plug the iPad into our computer to activate it. So realizing I was going to lose my computer (and most likely my husband) for several hours I asked to check my email really quick before he got busy. I had an email from Andrea from Reece's Rainbow.

Now the only reason we had not committed to that little guy pictured above before now was that besides having institutional "issues" AND arthrogryposis, he also had convulsive disorder. We didn't know if "convulsive disorder" would be something he grew out of, required daily medication for or if it was code for grand mal seizures. I have spent a LOT of time researching how to live with seizures, but my husband did not feel we could handle seizures and the ever-present fear of brain damage from a bad one. Then we get this email from Andrea!

"Hi Alexis, I just talked to Serge today. He spoke with the orphanage director and Joel does not have any seizures. He is not on medication or anything like that. He probably has/had some stiffness or jerky motions because of his limb issues that may have been interpreted as 'epileptic', but our understanding is that he is a typically developing child with arthro."

She went on to say there are no guarantees and anything could happen, but I could barely see her words because of the tears. It was the last answer to prayer, the last hurdle before committing to him.

God worked it out so that my husband got the news at the same time I did as he knelt beside me (iPad in hand). He was right by my side. I turned to him and he nodded. I started to write back,

"Hello Andrea, CAN WE COMMIT TO HIM PLEASE?!!! Consider him OURS! Put him on the My Family Found Me Page. Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!!!"

There was more to my immature (typical) email, but it was at this point that I turned to my wonderful husband and balled loud tears into his shoulder. They hit me like a punch to the gut. I just cried and cried loudly. (I have said this before, but I DON'T cry pretty.) Then I turned back to my email and started to write, "Sorry I got emotional" and then realized Andrea didn't see that! Haha! No need to apologize. I deleted those lines and finished by saying, "What's the next step?"

Instead of throwing me a party, Andrea sent me lots of paperwork. Oh well. :)

With tears of pure joy streaming down my face I realized that my friend Chelsea was standing at my door! At that very moment! I opened the door and just started blubbering, "I have a son! I have a son!" and hugging her. Chelsea looked so confused as I accosted her while blubbering and leaking tears everywhere. Eventually I was able to communicate clearly. God not only planned my husband to be at home by my side when I got the news, but my friend was walking up my driveway that very moment as well!

Laelia asked if I was happy or sad because I kept crying. I explained that I cried when she was born and I cried at my wedding and sometimes I'm silly and cry when I'm so so so happy. Then I gave her ice cream for lunch. :)

I'm just so happy. I'm excited and shaky and worried and, and, and it's wonderful!

Left to die

2011-12-07T07:25:00.001-08:00

Baby left to die in EE

This little six month old baby has hydrocephalus, which is when fluid builds up in the head. A simple shunt to drain the fluid would save his life. He won't get it. He is slated to die any day now.

He may have died while I wrote this post.

Here's the sick thing: His country has the means to save his life, but won't. They don't save children with disabilities who "have no future."

Did you notice the hole in his head? The pressure built up so much it burst. He's in extreme agony.

Read the whole story here.

Many times I see pictures of babies with special needs in EE lying down in cribs looking sleepy. They don't cry so they're not in pain, right? Wrong. They don't cry because crying doesn't get them help. The simple act of being cared for after you cry helps develop trust and security in children. When this doesn't happen because care givers only touch a child when proping up his bottle or changing his diaper (maybe once or twice daily) then a host of lifelong psychological issues can happen to that child. Attachment disorder is a terrible thing, and when you see pictures of babies lying down in cribs in any institution you're watching it happen.

Here's another baby in a crib in EE.

This baby has untreated arthrogryposis. That means that his joints are stiff and there's no one to stretch them to see that he has full function later in life. Without treatment he won't be able to meaningfully use his arms or legs. Treatment works the best during the first year of life. This baby turned one last October. He needs rescue so badly. I wonder if anyone comes when he cries. I wonder if they drug him to keep him quiet. I know it happens. I can't imagine a worse fate than neglect and loneliness at the hands of people who don't consider you fully human. With his epilepsy he's so helpless. I've blogged about this little bundle before. The need is real.

I started to add more pictures of different kids we've been praying for and giving to who are lying in cribs in EE to spread awareness, but I'm just an emotional mess now and have a full day of work ahead of me. Just know there are many more.

And now that we've starting this adoption process to save one of these children suffering in an institution, I've started to feel this need in my gut.

Whoever receives this little child in My name receives Me

2011-11-25T12:58:00.001-08:00

I started a new Bible study recently. Okay not really, but I've been reading this blog. :) It just reads like a Bible study with subjects from real life. First off, this blog started after a mom had a baby with Down Syndrome. I read through her words and remembered my own grief when I heard the term "special needs" applied to my own baby. I remember my heart breaking when I walked by handicapped parking spots. (Now I hunt them out with glee as I park up front.) Then as I kept reading her words the grieving ends and the joy begins. (As is typical. :)) Then eventually this family decides to adopt another child with the same diagnosis! It's like I'm reading my own story.

Only not.
Because I pale in comparison to this mom. Reading her blog made me hurt for a closer relationship with God like this family has. To quote their blog:
When God opened our eyes…
…to the fact that children with special needs just like our Verity who are born in Eastern Europe are sent to understaffed and underfunded orphanages until at some point during their childhood they are transferred to adult mental institutions–places an average American wouldn’t put a dog–where 80% of the children who are transferred die within the first year…unless they have Down syndrome, then the percentage jumps to 95%…
…and then opened the door of adoption before us…
…and then opened our hearts to wholeheartedly loving this child who needs a family so much…
…we could have exercised our choice, closed our eyes, closed the door, closed our hearts, and replied, “No way!”
We wouldn’t have been saying “No” to just another option from our range of options.
We would have been saying “No” to the calling of our Master. (http://theblessingofverity.com/2011/06/eyes-wide-open-part-one/)

She shares my desire to save a child from "being tossed like refuse into a third-world mental institution." And they eventually do. But I feel like I have a long way to go on a personal level before our second child comes home. And I'm making steps towards that personal relationship with God, even though I already feel like I speak too much Christianese. Not helping adorable blog! :)

First off I need to stop worrying. I worry about money. Blog doesn't worry about money. Blog is near poverty level and doesn't worry about money. God provides. Now I need to believe that, only really.

I need to wait on God's timing. I'm really impatient. Sometimes blog seems impatient and I inwardly smile. :) I want this child in my arms now now now! My husband (bless him) made me wait. He had to be sure. He had to make sure he could provide. Bla bla bla. Man logic. Go figure. :) But I don't wait well.

I need to use my time wisely. I waste time. I am lazy. No more! (I did well today. :))

And lastly I need to trust and listen and be open.

Jesus even says, "Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me." So if I'm planning on welcoming a child into my life, I need to treat him well! And that means giving my all.

My muse

2011-11-21T20:05:00.001-08:00

Laelia loves the orphan. She prays for a list of orphans every single night. And if I skip a name she will add it. She asks for a brother some days and a sister other days, but she always asks for one without a mommy or daddy. She calls the orphanage overseas the "baby hospital." She knows what a tummy baby is and those come "from their mommy" but if they don't have a mommy they come from "the baby hospital." She wants to save one who is lost. She has an incredible heart. She's my muse. And she's my encouragement as I continue this long, hard process.

The goal in mind

2011-11-21T18:26:00.001-08:00

My husband and I seriously discussed adopting a child with many issues today. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. The more I thought about it the more discouraged I got. I'd be giving up a lot. It would be hard. My poor back... And the way this child looks in the picture... just lying in a crib... it's too much. Part of me wants to hide the picture away and go back to a world where this kind of neglect doesn't happen to children.

But it does. And that's why we're doing this in the first place.

So today I'm keeping my mind on the end goal. I'm taking one day at a time, but my eyes are fixed on the prize.

Here's the prize.

That's what I wait for. That's what love can do. The picture of the child we're looking at now will not be the same as when my love hits them.

Here's the prize.

Not the same as before. Loved. Wanted. Saved. Not sad anymore. That's what's coming.

Here. This is the prize.

When starving becomes fed. When fear becomes love. When terrified becomes quiet.

And there's so many. So so many. With the same story. The same before and after pictures.

Then when I look at that goal, and those who have gone before me, my puny courage kicks in. There's a purpose. My goal is not pictured in this little one's face yet. But in that little face there's a promise, a possibility and a great big bundle of potentiality.

Starting an adoption blog

2011-11-19T00:24:00.001-08:00

Here's my adoption blog! Ta da! Although it's a private blog no one can see, so if anyone is seeing this now then that means we've commited to a child and made this public! How exciting! I'm a Mommy of two! Yay future us!!!

*ahem* But since right now we're still a family of three, I'll continue.

This blog is pretty much for all the things I can't talk about out loud--an outlet so that my adoption plans stop slipping out to strangers at Target.

I feel like it's the first trimester in a very long pregnancy. Usually in the first trimester you don't announce anything because that's the most dangerous time for the baby in your belly. For my "first trimester" I am keeping quiet because there are so many unknowns. But it's been well over three months since beginning our Home Study and I'm getting ansy.

We started this process back in July! And we did counseling sessions to talk out how this would affect our family. And we prayed like we never have about anything. And God didn't give us more information than the next step. So we have been at this one tiny step at a time. And that's so oh oh not how I do things. I like to know everything in advance and have the money to do it up front. Please and thank you.

I guess I should put out there that I have zero fertility issues and my daughter's condition is not genetic. Adopting kids with special needs from insitution settings is a great need and one we're willing and able to fill. That's all.

I could go on and on and on about institutions overseas, but I do that often enough so I won't here. (*cough* links *cough*)

So where are we now? We just finished our Home Study a few weeks ago, which is the first step in the adoption process. Pretty much our lives were an open book that just got flipped through a couple times. We had interviews in our home, had three close friends write reports on us with our strengths and flaws, and had to produce paperwork on everything from where we've lived the last ten years to vet reports on our cats! Plus fingerprinting. Plus school reports. Plus copies of birth certificates and marriage license. Oh and we also had to take five online classes! We passed. F..I..N....A..L.L.....Y!

Right now the only thing we're waiting on is finding our child so that we can get a placement agency. Then there's the dosier process that I don't know enough about. The plan is to find our child on reecesrainbow.org. We are looking at boys and girls, but more at boys since they are typically less likely to get adopted. We were told in our counseling session to look at kids younger than our daughter so we don't mess up the birth order for whatever reason. We did look at a six year old briefly. I emailed about him and was told another family was getting him. Lucky kid.

So what am I doing right now? Right now, every morning, I go on Reece's Rainbow and cross my fingers. I've typed one word into the search engine so many times that it auto finishes it for me: arthrogryposis.

While there are many conditions that would get a little kid thrown into a torturous institution in EE, the condition we're most familiar with is arthrogryposis. (It's a beast, but it's the beast we know.) We've decided not to look at children with multiple diagnoses. And I have to remember I agreed to that every time I see that sweet little baby with arthrogryposis AND convulsive disorder. Or that darling little girl with arthrogryposis AND a small heart condition from not being stimulated enough and enlarged ventricles in her brain (which wouldn't affect the function of her brain). Or that little guy Laelia's age with AMC and vision problems. I want so bad to make them mine. Ugh!

Now I say we're only looking for one diagnosis of AMC, but it's not like AMC would be our child's only diagnosis. If that makes sense. A child who spends their first couple of years in an institution has special needs just from being there even if they were born typical. We look forward to teaching our child how to trust, bond with his or her parents, make connections in his/her brain by being out of a crib and touching things, eating, swallowing, adjusting to different smells and noises, culture shock, second language learning, etc. And then on top of that do treatment for AMC including casting, daily stretches and surgeries.

All that is the real reason I changed jobs to stay home. It will be a bonding process that may take a year before I can leave the house for a girl's night out again.

So right now I wait. And I pray that God puts our son or daughter into that darn website I check everyday.

In the meantime I've been contributing to a blog about arthrogryposis adoption. None of my co-bloggers know I'm adopting or that I've even done a Home Study. Is my first trimester over yet?????