"Rescue"

This is a blog about semantics. Symantics are a kind of dark magic that can negatively charge the tone and meaning of some pretty inocuous words. Words like "orphan rescue."

We're a fan of the newspaper. My husband works for our local newspaper. We've recently been in our local newspaper. We know the reporting work and effort for accuracy that goes into these pieces. When the Hometown Weekly, a newspaper serving Massachusetts, posted a story on the exact process we are starting it was exciting. (We found out about it here.) Hey! We are also going through Reece's Rainbow! We were also able to raise the necessary funds quickly! We also hope to rescue an orphan! It was like reading the next steps in our own story. It was entitled, "Saving Andrey” and talked about his rescue from the orphanage.

But lately I've been hearing from several people, both those who have adopted and those who know nothing about it, that apparently it's not appropriate to use the word "rescue" when referring to your adoption. Ever.

I disagree. And I realize I'm disagreeing with people I respect so let me explain why. Of course you wouldn't say you "rescued" an orphan in all cases, but definitely you can say that of these adoptions from EE. For some of my close friends, the term "rescued" applies exactly to their situations. One of my friends (who is part of an advocacy group with me and four others) rescued her son from a mental institution. It was hell. He is healing. Slowly. But he was rescued. Period.

Oh and the adult mental institution with the horrible conditions was her little boy's punishment for being born with stiff joints. He was six.

The country that my friend's little son and my own little son are from offers no hope for children with disabilities. If I imagine my daughter in an orphanage like the one my son is at now, heading for either a lying down room (if he's not in one already) or an adult mental institution in a couple/three years, it makes me panic. I would never leave her there. I would pray everyday that she would be rescued.

Here's a quick post about conditions children like my son are in or will soon face.

So why not call it rescue? You've only heard my side, but (if I can do it justice) I'll give you the other side's point. Saying an orphan is being rescued brings thoughts of ethnocentric "White hero" US families swooping in and taking these children out of their cultural heritage. No one likes that. And if you have a religious affiliation then it's almost worse.

I would hope no one would interpret what I'm saying as a cultural or religious superiority. (Eww.) For one thing my own country did the same thing to our "undesireables" only 60 or so years ago that these countries are doing now. When I talk of rescue I'm talking about discarded, abandoned and orphaned children from countries where there are a lack of resources. These countries also suffer from a broken system the people inherited from those who saw children with disabilities as having no hope and no future. They are seen as "less." Less worthy of love. Less than human. And while I'm encouraged at how things are getting marginally better, they're still broken. The only way I know to help my son is to adopt him. Giving my money to help better fund the orphanages (and we have and that's a good thing) does not fix the problem, and it doesn't save my son from the life he's living. There are still orphans in orphanages after all. Those without the focused love of a parent suffer mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Institutional living is harmful.

There are so many stories of children coming out of that situation and starting to grow with no medical attention or special treatment other than having someone love on them. Love brings physical growth! Neglect stunts growth. Wow. Our physical bodies respond to experiencing love. So amazing!

From the president of Reece's Rainbow from this article, "When I found out what happens to children with Down syndrome and special needs when they are born abroad," Roberts said. "There is a very high rate of abandonment. They are transferred to mental institutions at 4 and a great many of those children do not survive their 5th birthday."

That's another thing I will mention. These children die. By the droves. Being transferred to the institution is like being led away to death.

These children in many cases have been thrown away, either thoughtlessly or after much grief. Then they end up in a place that amounts to a baby warehouse where they are often given only two diapers a day, they are not held or rocked as newborns, their cries are not answered--it's not logistically possible, bottles are propped and the care they receive would not be described by you or me as "basic." Imagine (as one of our adoption classes had us do) a long line of high chairs, maybe 30 or so, and one caregiver giving one bite to each child as she makes her way down the line of children who, like my son, cannot feed themselves. Now they have 20 or 30 minutes to eat before they need to move on with their schedules. If a child spits out his food ten chairs down do you think he gets to make up that bite? Does that make this orphanage worker mean or cruel? No! It's the system these children need saved from. 

There is an orphan crisis.

And I think the people who disagree with me calling it "rescue" mostly just don't want us to ever treat our son like he's some lucky champ who will owe us for the rest of his life. I can guarantee we will not make Roland feel "forever grateful" or that he owes us anything. He will not be treated like some ministry we've signed up for. He will be part of our family. In that way our adoption of him is selfish! Yes selfish! We GET to be his parents. The rescuing part is something we would do without a second thought for anyone in our family. When people tell us how lucky this little boy is (and he is getting an awesome big sister so they're pretty correct on this front) we often add how lucky we are too!

After his rescue and initial recovery from his former life, he will become just a typical part of our family. Our goal is to be boring. :) It's true. One of the biggest worries we had when Laelia was born was that she would grow up to be an inspirational speaker! I know that's nutty, but we strive to give our kids normal childhoods. We will of course celebrate each of Roland's successes just like we have with our daughter (and these will be special and inspirational), but we will not raise them any differently than we would any typical kids in our family.

I want to end with this link of a blog post I just loved. In preparing for all of the post-adoption "stuff" and as I study about what's to come I realize how my attitude and thinking have completely changed from when we first committed to Roland. This adoption that started out as half rescue and half baby craze has become a deeper, more meaningful thing to our family. Sometimes we think we can swoop in with our capes and save children with our love. But the fact is that our family will grow and change with the contributions this little man brings with him. And we will find ourselves rescued from the "less" we once were. It goes both ways.

I hope others will help rescue these orphans from situations that range from lonely to terrible. It is a worthy thing to do. And a great need. And I hope these children get the chance to save us from our apathy and short-sightedness. I long to see us all do for each other what we were meant to do.

So because I think we can agree on the basic points let's put semantics aside and focus on rescuing adopting these children. They need it.